I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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