spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
