Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
