I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
