some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
