i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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