My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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