I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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