She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize