I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
