Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
