i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
