i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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