Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
