I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize