I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
