So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
