He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
