so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
