i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
