we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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