the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
