i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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