I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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