I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
