Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
