He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
