shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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