dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
