my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
