I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
