Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize