Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
