I want to walk on stilts...naked
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You need a sexual gate keeper
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
