It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize