dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This is the high leading the old right now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
