is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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