I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
