You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
