Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Two words: nipple clamps
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