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• (214): View more from Texas

  apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......

  (817): View more from Texas

  told ya

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what to do

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  with your life?

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.

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• (409): View more from Texas

  It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice

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• (419): View more from Ohio

  I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!

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