I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
