I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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