Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
