I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
