Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
