I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
