So drunk its hurt
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize