Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
