Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
