Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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