This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
