i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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