so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
