dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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