wat bout pragnant strippers??
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
