I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
