I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
