She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
