who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
