Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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