from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
