I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
