Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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