I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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