somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
