Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
